This is a genuine shitshow, so we may as well get some clicks out of it at least, right? Also, we have a Full Disclosure policy here at The Autopian, so when we ourselves do stupid, unfortunate things or get weird rashes you can be sure that you’ll have a front row seat so you can really feel our pain and humiliation.
Very, very shortly after this picture was taken of David’s Jeep pulling out of the driveway, we know something caused the XJ to overheat, and the power steering–maybe the belt, maybe the pump itself–failed. David has officially informed me he feels terrible this happened, and confirms that it’s both a buyer’s and seller’s worst fucking nightmare. David has also informed me that this is the same woman who sold him that perfect Land Cruiser that made it all the way to Seattle and back, and this is how David repays her. Damn. UPDATE 2:32 PM: I can now confirm that David has told me that this was his “nicest” Jeep Cherokee, and he was conflicted about selling it. Just let that sink in a bit.
This is another picture of the Nice Lady before the breakdown. Sources close to David have told The Autopian that she was once the owner of this same Jeep, prior to David owning it. The Autopian’s crack team of news analysts have asserted with a 78.4% degree of confidence that the Nice Lady likely does not look nearly this happy at the current time, at her current location. UPDATE 2:35 PM: David seems to be attempting to remedy the situation, but reports on the ground are scarce. UPDATE 2:37 PM: Motorists in the Troy, Michigan area have reported seeing a crazed figure trailing a cloud of iron oxide dust behind him darting among highway traffic, emitting a haunting wail of pain and regret. We have not been able to confirm these sightings. UPDATE 2:40 PM: A search of recent correspondence with David via The Autopian’s internal comm system has found printouts of missives from David that state that the woman who purchased the Jeep is “wonderful” and “does not deserve this.” UPDATE 2:42 PM: Autopian researchers digging into David Tracy’s financial records have unearthed possible evidence that the money paid for the Jeep may already have been spent on some other shitbox. We are unable to confirm these reports as of press time. UPDATE 2:44 PM: COMMUNICATIONS WITH DAVID HAVE BEEN RE-ESTABLISHED We have received an image from David’s implanted neck camera showing that he is in his Jeep J10 pickup and proceeding to the parking lot where the Jeep’s new owner has managed to park:
UPDATE 2:46 PM: Text communication with David has been re-established. Here’s a direct quote, which gives a good indication of Tracy’s current tenuous mental condition: At this point, David suggested he would fish around in the seats and floor of his truck to locate a rosary he thought he had there, but as of press time he has only located several stale french fries. God could not be reached for comment regarding David’s plight, or his plan to use a rosary to effect a favorable outcome. UPDATE 2:52 PM: Calls to the American Council of Churches as well as the American Dental Association regarding their positions on this still-developing situation have so far gone unanswered, though sources inside both organizations have confirmed that the unofficial policy is to distance themselves from David as much as possible during this time. UPDATE 2:55 PM: A statement from David Tracy has been received at The Autopian Southeast Regional Office. The statement reads: Let’s go back aways; 1967 to be exact. I returned from Viet Nam as relatively unscathed Marine Corporal. Bought my self a nice present, a 1962 TR3B white over red. Wonderful car. Forging ahead, the TR and I got married, moved to San Diego. In the following years the TR went from base to base to storage and back. It is now 1976. I am now a soldier in the U. S. Army stationed at Fort Ord. The TR is now a bit tired. All of the running gear is still working well and the tires are great. But the body is a collection of bumps, scrapes, and an engine fire. In short the body needs a lot of help. After much debate with myself and my estranged wife I decide to sell him. I had been keeping an eye on a young PFC who seemed to be totally immersed in the world of sports cars. He had helped me adjust the valves and a couple of other things. I gave him first chance at buying the TR for $1200. He accepted, so I had JAG write up a supposedly bullet proof contract which was witnessed by my Commander and 1stSgt. Collected the down payment of $200 and left for Germany. That was the last I heard from any of them. I sulked and cursed my stupid self for being so trusting. After about 40 years I am almost over it! PS About 20 years ago I found the title and registration for the TR. I contacted DMV in CA and asked what I could do. Using the VIN they told me it was still in CA and that if I provided physical proof, I could recover the TR from whoever currently had it. To my credit, I decided not to return the screwing to some poor schmuck who no doubt bought it in good faith. I never followed up. PPS The wife and I got back together and are now celebrating our 53 years of marital “bliss”. That is literary gold. I think that may go on David Tracy’s headstone some day… Rust flakes on the ground, however….. BTW, I love the new site. Commenting is so much better.
